The fight against anger

"So our eyes look to the Lord our God, until he shows us his mercy. Have mercy upon us, oh Lord, have mercy, for we have had more than enough of contempt. To much of the scorn of the indolent rich, and of the derision of the proud." Psalm 123:2-4

I woke up on the WRONG side of the bed this morning. I'm talking breathe fire wrong.

Have you ever had that morning where one thing just sets you off, and from that moment on, every driver seems to be slowing down on purpose, every light turns red just for you, and the world just seems to be laughing in your face? Well that was me this morning.

After a very early morning and a series of events that had me at the breaking point, I decided that I was going back to sleep, and I would refuse to let anything else bad happen. In essence I was trying to run away. As I lay sulking, I realized just how mad I was...and about what? That everything didn't go according to my plan just the way I wanted it to? I realized in my head that I was acting like a child, but in my heart I just felt so..angry. I kept thinking to myself, I don't want to be like this, I know this is not where God would want my heart to be, so why can't I just make it go away and let it go? It was then that I knew I need to stop everything and spend some serious time with God, like, NOW.

So I went outside and started watering the yard, got a cup of coffee and settled down in the sun with scripture. As I was reading Psalm 123, these words jumped out at me.

"So our eyes look to the Lord our God, until he shows us his mercy. Have mercy upon us, oh Lord, have mercy, for we have had more than enough of contempt. To much of the scorn of the indolent rich, and of the derision of the proud." Psalm 123:2-4

Now in this context the writer is actually asking God to save them from others who's hearts are obviously in the wrong place. However when I read this, I felt like this scripture was talking about me. Because of my anger, I had now become the person the writer was asking God to save them from. That scared me.

I was showing contempt and scorn for those around me.
I was indolent in that I felt a sense of "entitlement" to have things go my way, and instead of saying 'thy will be done', I was saying I'm going to be lazy, sulk, and feel sorry for myself because I 'deserve' something better.
I was even taking a derisive attitude toward God. What I thought had been the world mocking my foul mood, was actually my foul spirit mocking the blessings God was trying to give me.

When we take on this attitude, we are furthering the epidemic of entitlement in or nation. If we can't get what we want exactly when we want it, suddenly we are justified in our anger because we feel we deserve something else. Actually, when it comes right down to it, we deserve death:

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It is only by the grace and mercy of God that we live and move and have our being. It is God's prerogative to give and take away, and we are setting ourselves a trap to think that we 'deserve' not to have trials and seasons of hardship.

As I sat meditating on this scripture, drinking my coffee in the sun, and watching my dog run around carelessly, I actually started laughing. What had been about to make me cry, pull out my hair, and scream all at the same time, now seemed so trivial that I was actually laughing...and asking God to forgive me for my selfishness. As Anne of Green Gables quotes "It's so easy to be wicked without knowing it, isn't it?"

The good news is that when we take off our anger colored glasses and put on the full armor of God, suddenly we see things as they are and not as we would make them. So let us fight the good fight by not letting anger take hold of our hearts, but instead by singing this song through our brokenness so that God can dissipate our anger into joy:

"You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name."