The REAL definitions of false estate.

So We are about to close on our house in a week...hopefully. My list of lessons learned...the hard way, in a market that is truly backward.

The REAL definitions of false estate.

Short Sale- The opposite of the name. Extremely long and tedious make you want to pull your hair out sale.

Realtor- The person that can pretty much make or break just about everything having to do with your house. NEVER pick a random realtor. Period. Do not choose them unless they have a high recommendation from someone who you trust. Your realtor must be someone who you can trust...mostly.

"Christian" Mortgage Broker- Someone who is a nice Christian person who is also a mortgage broker. These two don't necessarily have anything to do with the other. A really nice person that loves God can still want to charge you ridiculous fees for closing. It doesn't mean they are a bad Christian. They just make their living off of you. It's business. Remember that. If you find a better deal from a huge company that may or may not be Christian, you are not mean because you want to get a cheaper interest rate. You are also a nice person that just wants the best deal they can get. It's business.


Random things to remember

Expect nothing- Always expect the worst to happen, and you might be pleasantly surprised. If you plan for everything to go smoothly, you might ACTUALLY pull your hair out.

Humor- I honestly think that you must have a sense of humor when house shopping. Just last week, I went into a house that one of us walked in and immediately RAN out of because it smelled so strongly of fecal matter, ridiculously strong chemicals, and dead people. I will remember that house for the rest of my life. However disgusting that was, once we had left and vowed to all take showers and Clorox our shoes, we couldn't stop laughing. It was so putrid that it was really really funny. It was either that or cry. You will inevitably encounter some crazy crazy houses, and you are truly missing out if you don't look for the humor in the things that repulse you. Go house shopping with your inner-comedian ready, and hilarity WILL ensue.

Ideas to make house shopping more fun if you can't find the humor:

* Make up stories about who lived in the house before (endless fun)
* Imagine how someone had lived in the ridiculously designed space/ create your own ad for the house based on its flaws ( You don't want to miss this house! Cut down on getting ready in the morning. Go to the bathroom WHILE taking a a shower!)
*Take pictures with or posing in some ridiculous part of the house


The "House-Spouse" Philosophy
Initially, pick your house as if you were picking a spouse. Keep a mental list of the must-haves, nice to haves, and bonus categories very clear in your mind. If it does not meet your must-haves list, move on before you fall for the nice to haves or flashy bonus. It is easy to "fall in love" with a house, but do whatever you have to do to guard your heart from the wrong house. Even if a house seems perfect, like any "perfect" person that we fall in love with, we soon find that they are far from being so. Choose wisely, but getting caught up with aesthetic qualities is a slippery slope that will take you straight to a huge money pit...not to mention ulcers and living on beans. Sound glamorous now? Yeah, so there is a reason that there is a Bible song that goes

"Don't build your house on the sandy land,
don't build it too near the shore,
Oh it might be kinda nice, but you'll have to build it twice,
yeah you'll have to build your house once more.
You better build your house upon the rock,
make a good foundation on a solid spot,
Oh the storms may come and go,
but the peace of God you will know."